Rubbish, piffle, tommyrot, drivel and utter bilge

Friday, December 18, 2009

Blatant Stupidity

"I want to climb right inside you
I want to rip your brains apart
Adjust the malfunction
And make you see through these eyes..."
--Nigel Day

Have you ever heard someone talking and what they are saying is just sooooo dumb that you want to hurt them?

That happened to me today. I happened to be present for a conversation between three guys (all of whom shall remain nameless lest this come back to bite my bum) who were discussing DUI classes. A young fella said he didn't understand why he had to go to DUI class, since when he was arrested for DUI, he did not have a license to drive.

Let me run that by you again.

He did not understand why he had to go to a class for people who were arrested for DUI, since when he was arrested for Driving Under the Influence, he was not in possession (and, in fact, had never been in possession) of a driver's license.


"I done tole my Probation Officer," he said, "I ain't never had no drivin' license. So how come I has to go to a class where the ultimate goal is to get yo' license BACK?"

I thought, dang it, I came out today without my Amateur Lobotomy Kit.

I said, "But you were driving... without... a license?"


"And DUI?"


I decided I was going to try to enlighten this Mensa candidate. This, as you probably have guessed, was like a broken pencil. Pointless.

I said, "The point is, then, that you should not have been in control of a motor vehicle anyway. But you were. The fact that you didn't have a license doesn't matter. They treat all DUIs the same."

"But I never had no license. So how come I has to go?"

It was at this point I decided that continuing this discourse would be like sado-necrophiliac bestiality. Flogging a dead horse.

There are some people in the world that don't want to learn, and cannot figure it out for themselves. All we can do for these people is pray for them. And hope we don't ever see them behind the wheel with an open container.

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