Rubbish, piffle, tommyrot, drivel and utter bilge

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Jeff's Holiday Collection

Hi folks!

As many of you may have noticed, I have become heavily into podcasting! it's a lot of fun and allows me to play my favourite music, explore new music and to make something that sounds cool without the need for an engineering degree or years of thankless internships at radio stations. It's that whole punk rock DIY ethic: use whatever is available to you and, in the words of the great Laurie Anderson, "let your tools show you what they can do".

I am also a fanatical Christmas nut: so much so that I've done several holiday-themed shows this year. Here, in one handy compendium, are the links to all of those shows for you to binge-listen to, like an audio equivalent to a box set on Sky.

Into The Unknown's Christmas Cavalcade of Crapola which I pick some of the worst Christmas records available to me, and play them at you.

Into The Unknown - The Festive 28 which I play some classics and some new favourites.

Into The Unknown's Christmas Schmaltz-O-Rama which I get comfy in my high backed leather armchair next to a roaring fire, with a large festive drink in my hand, turn on the stereogram and play a selection of my favourite Xmas tunes, guaranteed to make you feel all misty and wistful and warm and contented. Pull up a La-Z-Boy and chill with Jeff.

Into The Unknown 36 - Christmas Is A Few Sleeps Away which I play more merry ho ho ho and jingle jangle sleigh bell type things.

My Live Xmas Eve Mixlr Broadcast which I play an hour-long mix of holiday treats and nutcrackers.

The Podcast of Jeff! Xmas Pod

...from 2014, a mix of music and holiday readings.

Into The Unknown 37 - The Christmas Leftovers which we play some Christmassy bits, some regular bits, and a couple of New Year's numbers. Happy New Year everyone!

I'd like to invite everyone to listen to these while there's still time, and please, follow me on Podomatic, Mixcloud and Mixlr, and while you're at it, head over to my Podcast Of Jeff pages on Facebook and Twitter!

If you are dead impressed with what you hear and can class yourself as a bona fide fan, then why not buy the (dead cheap) T-shirt?

Only 13 bucks! Cheap!! I'm robbing myself!
Thanks for reading, thanks for listening, and stay tuned - there are more great things to come in the New Year.

Friday, December 11, 2015

The Daesh Diet

Must be a 'slow news' day.

So, both The Daily Snail and The Scum newspapers this morning are screaming banner headlines about how the risk of death due to obesity and the risk of death due to terrorism are about equal. (Oh, how they like scaremongering. Gee, thanks, Mr. Murdoch, you enormous tool.)

Er, bullshit?

Even a simple Google search blows that theory out of the water. Last year the amount of terrorism-related fatalities was not quite 38,000. GLOBALLY.

And last year, the amount of obesity-related deaths was 300,000 IN THE U.S. ALONE.

So, yeah. Baloney.

But the question that naturally arises from this, of course, is what is the correlation between the two? When did you last see a fat terrorist?

Has this scenario ever cropped up in the mountain hideouts and crummy apartments where (we are led to believe) all terrorists spring from?

"It's no good, Mick.* I can't get my suicide jacket to zip up."

"Well, you keep eating those takeaways and cooking those massive fried breakfasts, you fat bastard. It's no wonder!"

So, next year's alternative diet. Eat like a terrorist and watch those pounds melt away. I can see it now on QVC...

"So, forage for a handful of nuts and berries to make a delicious complement to your daily ration of rice, and watch those pounds melt away! Of course, you will eventually be required to firebomb a branch of Spud-U-Like or strap on a belt fashioned elegantly from plastic explosive and duct tape, and walk into a busy shopping centre and detonate yourself, but that near-feral lifestyle and hipster beard you'll grow mean you are guaranteed to look great and feel fit while doing it!"

*The usage of the name "Mick" in the above scenario is purely coincidental and is not intended to imply that all terrorists are Irish, or indeed male. The name chosen could just as easily have been Barney, Fred, Wilma or even Muammar. We apologise if there are any people out there named Mick who found this article offensive. 
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