Rubbish, piffle, tommyrot, drivel and utter bilge

Monday, May 2, 2011

A Public Service Announcement

Do you know someone whose Facebook profile is excessively gushy?

Have they posted profile pics embellished with hearts, flowers, and gooey epithets?

These people need help!

 Not only for their sakes, but their friends' sakes too.

I have a friend (no, I do really!) who suffers from this kind of overly romantic champagne-and-flowers kind of affliction. We'll call him Mr. A.

Mr.A constantly posts deeply sentimental status updates and highly heart-and-cute-puppy-laden profile pics of himself and his lady snogging or gamely mugging in a sappy style for the camera, with names attached and words such as 'My Love, My Life, My Everything'. This, to me, is not what Facebook was intended for, and it also turns my stomach. Now I always have regarded myself as a pretty soppy and romantic kinda guy, but Mr. A is not only making the rest of us look bad, he is making us feel nauseous. But he recently posted a pic of the above ilk with the addition of a poem in the lower left hand corner, shrunk down so small as to be unreadable. I blew it up to make it clearer but to no avail.
It's just unreadable garbage. Here, I'll show you. My translation is on the right.

What Is A Soul Mate? (I got that bit).
If you have ground a snode
Bluet he-she removes ait you're knees,
If you have hosed uplift a were
vhe stress a view same.
If you have gob a church
woe woe ne baggage of your heart.
And nob come but shine dangerous
in the awesomeness you've against,
If you bare Bench mask intruder
in the way bon toot co school
To revive a perfect mushroom
Newt as samplings and be had,
I you believe sammies change your life
and simply meals to be
Then you drive barefoot pounts amble create
you satisfaction dusting.

Makes perfect sense, doesn't it? We've all been there.

This madness must be stopped, people. So if you have a friend or acquaintance who suffers from this affliction, go to them, and just gently tap them on the shoulder, and when they turn round - slap a nice gooey cream pie in their face, then give them a wedgie and stick a trash can on their head. They'll thank you for it later.

Thank you for your kind attention.

1 comment:

  1. I would love to see some perfect mushroom revival!


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