Rubbish, piffle, tommyrot, drivel and utter bilge

Friday, January 16, 2015

Joke I Just Thought Of

So this guy is an unrepentant atheist. He doesn't believe in God, angels, the Virgin birth, any of it. Total non-believer.

And God is up in Heaven, noticing this, and decides to just randomly pick on this chap and convert him to Christianity. Just because. So he looks on the angel rota to see who is available to go down to Earth and do a little convincing.

So the angel that gets chosen (let's call him Barry) is told by the Almighty, "Look, Baz. This guy is going to miss out on all the fun we have up here when he passes on if he doesn't repent and all that. So you get down there and give him the hard sell. Make it sound like the best holiday resort ever. I want this guy's everlasting commitment to me. Just because."

And Barry the angel goes down and does what he was told.

One evening he manifests in the fellow's living room. The chap is naturally freaked out by this - I mean, wouldn't you be? It's not like your normal everyday occurrence, is it - a heavenly presence just plonking itself down in your lounge. So this poor bloke legs it over to the cupboard under the stairs where he happens to keep a loaded firearm - a small pistol. He grabs it and runs back into the room, saying "I dunno who you are or what you want, but if you don't get the hell out of my house in 10 seconds, I'm blasting you!"

"Calm down, dear fellow," reassures the angel, "For I am the angel Barry, and I bring you glad tidings from Heaven above."

Well, that was more than this staunch atheist could bear. He unloaded his gun into the angel. Of course, being an angel, the bullets had zero effect on Barry. However, the noise of shots being fired did have the effect of causing some well meaning passers-by to call the police, who sent a squad car to the address.

But by this time, God, the all-seeing and all -knowing, decided to intervene, seeing as how Barry was not making any headway. But the sudden appearance of yet another heavenly presence in his living room just made our atheist friend madder, and he attempted to shoot at God. This was futile, however, due to the gun being empty.

Just then, the door burst open and two officers ran in, guns drawn, to see the homeowner standing there, gun in hand, with what appeared to be God and one of his angels at the other end of the room.

So one cop says, "What in the world is going on? A neighbour reported hearing gunfire!"

So the fellow turns to the policemen and says,

(wait for it, wait for it...)

"It was me, officer. I shot the seraph. But I did not shoot the deity."

You may now groan.

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