Rubbish, piffle, tommyrot, drivel and utter bilge

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Check Your Facts

Recently the News Feed page on Facebook has become littered with posts from the likes of, uh,, and others of that ilk, usually links to little galleries of hilarious 'fails', 'epic' in nature, or pictures of dramatic weight loss, or equally dramatic weight gain, or stupid tattoos, you get the idea.
Usually these are harmless time wasters, a bit of non-taxing escapism to look at while wishing your life wasn't so sad, empty and without meaning.

However, once in a while there comes one which is so strewn with inaccuracies and poor spelling that I feel it is my public duty to show it to the world in order that we can all collectively sigh, shake our heads, tut-tut and inwardly complain about the state of education these days. Naturally I am also doing it so that you can all read it and avoid doing anything productive, which I guess makes me just as bad as them. But heigh ho.

The post that irked me today was one entitled

80s Sex Symbols. Then And Now ( sic)

Not off to a great start, really. We haven't had a look at any of them yet and we have a full stop where a comma should be. But no matter, on with the list.

First off, we have Val Kilmer. OK, so we know he's got a bit chunky of late. Sure, we see the difference.

Next, Nick Nolte. Here is where I begin to have a problem. Sure he used to look pretty good back in the early 80s, but a sex symbol? And just to show the difference, they counterpoint the first pic with the police mug shot from about ten years ago that we have all seen a hundred times.

Then it starts to get silly, with before and after shots of that well known actress, Kirsty Allen. What's that you say? Never heard of her? For shame! Who can forget her from Cheers and Veronica's Closet? Kirsty Allen. Not to mention those talking baby movies with Jim Travanti and Bryce Wallis. Sorry, yes, Kirstie Alley. Sure, she's had weight issues. Who hasn't?

Next, Kelly Lebrok. Yes, I know it's supposed to be LeBrock. But the people that compiled the list clearly don't worry about that sort of thing. And yes, she looks like a Botox nightmare.

Then we have Keith Richards. When exactly was he a "sex symbol"? Certainly not in the 80s.

Kathleen Turner. Useta be hot, but by the end of the 80s her ship had sailed, and by the mid 90s she was utterly convincing as Chandler Bing's drag queen father.

Janice Dickinson. Too much of everything cosmetic-surgery-related combined with a personality that brings to mind that old proverb "Empty vessels make the most noise." Eeesh.

Jamie Lee Curtis. Will always be hot.

Jack Nicholson. He was at his peak sex-god-wise in the middle 70s, not the 80s. Sorry Jack.
Left: 1977 Jack. Right: 2013 Jack.

Farah (sic) Fawcett. First of all, she is no longer with us, so you can't do a "then and now" about her. Idiots.

David Lee Roth. He looks like some guy you'd find fishing down at the pier.

Bridget (sic) Bardot. It's BRIGITTE, not Bridget. I refer you to my earlier statement on Keith Richards. Bardot was a sex symbol in the 60s and has been pretty reclusive for at least 30 years. Next.

Bridgette Nelson. (sic). Oh, you mean Sly's ex? Brigitte Nielsen? Tell you what, you better not call her Bridgette Nelson to her face.
She'll whoop yo ass.

Al Pacino. Next.

Kylie Minogue. Now there's one lady who has improved with time.

Jon Bon Jovi. The hair!

Catherine Zeta-Jones. I refer you to my previous statement about Kylie.

Will Smith. Apart from a few grey hairs, he hasn't changed.

Spice Girls. All have improved over time.

Boy oh boy, they saved the best one till last. Haley Joel Osment.
Al I have to say about this is... he was a child star in the late 90s. So something would have to be very amiss in order for him to have been a sex symbol in the 80s. Unless he had a time machine. And yes, we've all seen his chubby cheeked grown up mugshots photos. Move on.

Check your facts, people. And learn how to spell famous people's names.

P.S. Since I have illustrated each 'then and now', some rather pointlessly (Al Pacino, Will Smith, JLC) I will post a couple of good ones that were missed by the people that compiled this list. Rather careless omissions, I feel. And worth a good chortle.

Colin Farrell

Pierce 'Funky' Brosnan

Axl and.... angry moustachioed Meat Loaf?

Russell Brand

Oh, this is too good.

Nice bins, Seacrest.

Matthew Lewis aka Neville Longbottom. Wow.

James Franco rather uncharacteristically wearing a shirt.

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