I Don't Wanna Go To... Miami or Ibiza

Just wanted to make sure everyone is on the same page here. It seems that we are in the presence of a genuine musical genius, a man whose lyrical ability is surpassed only by his mellifluous voice and general all-round studliness. Move over, Paul McCartney. Stand aside, Bill Shakespeare. Here comes Tinie Tempah!

Yes, I am being sarcastic. Not heard of Tinie Tempah yet? Where have you been, dear reader.

Here are the lyrics to one of Tinie's masterworks, "Miami 2 Ibiza" featuring the venerable talents of the Swedish House Mafia. Reproduced here with absolutely no permission at all from anyone. Prepare to be dazzled.


She says she likes my watch, but she wants Steve's AP
And she stay up all hours watching QVC
She says she loves my songs, she bought my MP3
And so I put her number in my Bold BB


I got a black BM, she got a white TT
She wanna see what's hiding in my CK briefs Excuse me??
I tell her wear suspenders and some PVC
And then I'll film it all up on my JVC


Uhh, scene one
Everybody get in your position
Pay attention, and listen
We’re trying to get this all on one take
So lets try and make that happen
Take one, action!


She says she likes my watch, but she wants Steve's AP
And she stay up all hours watching QVC
She says she loves my songs, she bought my MP3
And so I put her number in my Bold BB


I got a black BM, She got a white TT
She wanna see what's hiding in my CK briefs
I tell her wear suspenders and some PVC
And then I'll film it all up on my JVC


Uhh, scene one
Everybody get in your positions
Pay attention, and listen
We're trying to get this all on tape
So lets try and make that happen
Take one, action!


She pose for FHM, She like my Black LV
We spillin LPR, up on my APC
I’m in my PRPS and my Nike SB’s
Raving with SHM, London to NYC


I got my Visa and my Visa
A diva and her dealer
Bitch I'm up on the guest list with the Swedish House Mafia
You can find me on a table full of vodka and tequila
Surrounded by some bunnies, and it ain't fuckin' easter


I'll wake up in the morning with a mild case of amnesia
With a girl that like a girl like Lindsey Lo and Queen Latifah
A few niggers are ballin', then boy I must be FIFA
And that's standard procedure from Miami to Ibiza


From Miami to Ibiza


Yeah..


From Miami to Ibiza

The weird thing is, it's strangely addictive. It's like crack. Musical crack. We sit there listening to it, we know it's utter crap, yet we cannot pull ourselves away. The guy has clearly hit upon something here.