Rubbish, piffle, tommyrot, drivel and utter bilge

Saturday, August 14, 2010

A Punch To The Back Of The Head

The town I live in is very picturesque and touristy, and the majority of the buildings in the photogenic High Street are listed buildings, even the phone booths. A listed building in the United Kingdom is a building which has been placed on the Statutory List of Buildings of Special Architectural or Historic Interest. It is a widely used status, applied to around half a million buildings. This status ensures that buildings thus listed are therefore protected from demolition due to historical or architectural significance.

The fact that the town is full of very pretty and architecturally significant buildings makes it popular with tourists, and it is this, coupled with the large proportion of retirees, pensioners and generally old folks, that can make the simple act of going into a shop rather tiresome. As I was out and about today I had occasion to go to Tesco, a local large supermarket. This I had no problem doing. It was only afterwards as I attempted to walk down the street to make the return journey home that I encountered difficulties. It seemed that we had been invaded by slow people.

I am a naturally curious person and it was as I passed Webb's, a shop which sells homewares, that I felt the urge to go in and have a general poke around. Now picture if you will the scene... Webb's is on my right as I saunter down the street, as is an old lady who seemed hell-bent on matching my moves step for step. I was slowing down as if to enter the shop, yet I could not pass this old woman for love nor money. She was replicating my moves nanosecond by nanosecond and finally toddled into the shop. Did I go in? nay, nay and thrice nay, for I had already said to myself, "Ah, the HELL with it!" and continued down the street, thinking there would be other, less busy days in which to shop there. As if that were not enough, my strides were slowed once again by two slow-moving old crones walking side-by-side as they passed the Cancer Research charity shop. I neatly side-stepped them, skipping into the gutter daintily as I did so, but my efforts at rapid perambulation were thwarted once again as I reached the pelican crossing outside M&Co., due to a group of ageing foreigners moving in slo-mo towards the button. Not only that, but they then ambled across the road before the green man told them to, which to me is a big no-no. Is it just me, or does it drive you crazy when shambling old duffers slow you down? I know I am no spring chicken, but it seems like when it happens once, it'll happen again almost immediately, as if it is somehow orchestrated. It is the pedestrian equivalent of being cut off in traffic. Ever hear of pavement rage?

I secretly want to hurt these people. Is that so wrong?

1 comment:

  1. also has the highest population of over 65's in any inland town in Kent


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