Rubbish, piffle, tommyrot, drivel and utter bilge

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Lookin' After Number One

WARNING: The following diatribe contains subject matter that may offend some people of a sensitive nature, as it concerns bodily functions. If you are offended by this topic, buy a pair of sunglasses to don next time you go to the loo.

In this post I am going to let slip a little known fact about me: I sit while peeing, if I can possibly help it. My personal reason for this is that many years ago I read an article in a magazine (I forget which one, it could have been TVTimes for all I remember) that was to do with a medical study in which doctors found that peeing while sitting is better for men, something to do with more complete emptying of the bladder, less annoying dewdrops etc. Now, that is one thing that always aggravated me... you go pee, shake off the drops, tuck it back in, zip up, take two steps away from the loo and.... dammit! A stray drop. Now you have to walk around with damp Y-fronts for half an hour till it dries. Icky, right? So I resolved that day to sit while peeing from that moment on. And I am glad I did. I mean just think of all the side benefits:

  • Firstly, you get to sit. And when you sit, you can take a nap, or read the paper.
  • If, as often happens when I pee, I suddenly get the urge to #2, I'm already ready.
  • I make less noise while peeing.
  • There's none of that 'put-the-seat-up-and-put-it-back-down-when-you're-done' palaver, and less trouble with the missus/girlfriend/significant other.
  • Don't have to stand awkwardly next to other guys and get paranoid about how they might be looking at your schlong. And judging you.
There are, of course, a couple of disadvantages to peeing in a sitting position:

  • If in a public toilet, whoever went in there before you invariably peed standing up and splashed the seat. I don't care how great your aim is - you splash when you pee. Even if you can't see it, it is there. Wipe it off, asshole. I don't want a ring of someone else's piss on my buttocks. 
  • Errrr... that's it.
However, it seems there are a large proportion of males who will refuse to sit. Why is this? We males are naturally lazy, so why not sit? Because there's no remote and/or cold beer next to the loo.
No, honestly, I've scooted around the web researching opinion on this and the men that are against it seem to be aggressively male about it, like "Grrr! I'm a man and I'll piss standing up because I can, grrr! Only girls and poofs pee sitting down! Grr! I'll splash all over the damn seat if I want, grrr! I'm a man, grr!". Yeah, a cave man.

Anyway, I've had my say. Apologies, but I had to vent. Sitting down.


  1. Dude, many men that I know, respect and think are quite manly urinate while copping a squat on the thrown. My son, for instance, wasn't taught to pee sitting down. His dad is one of those grunting cave men. Anywho, he says the idea of piddling accidentally on his hand is just vile. Then, the whole shake-a-shake routine. He's a private guy and urinals are simply grotesque in his opinion.
    There ya go.


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