Rubbish, piffle, tommyrot, drivel and utter bilge

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

There's Something Nasty In The Woodshed

I was recently watching Britain's Got Talent, and was dead impressed by Janey Cutler, the 80-year-old lassie from Bonnie Scotland with a huge voice, singing "No Regrets". The crowd went bonkers, the panel (Simon Cowell included) loved her and we at home thought "wow!".

She continued to shine in the semi-finals, and moved on to the final. In the final, she was going to sing once again "No Regrets", the song that knocked us all dead in the auditions.

However, she missed her cue, came in late, and struggled to play catch-up the whole way through. It was at this point that I uttered the words "I cannot watch this", and left the room. I cannot bear that kind of thing. I feel so badly for the people involved, because you know they are up there giving it their best shot and when a technical error screws things up for them, it makes the part of me that wants to impress shrivel and hide in a corner. Still, Janey had two good showings and I am sure that even though she did not get into the Top 3 she'll probably be getting some offers, if she hasn't already.

It's the same with dramas and especially soap operas. If I can tell what's just about to happen, I have to either change the channel, turn it off, or leave the room. Maybe it's the eternal optimist in me that makes me always want things to turn out well. If a plot is chugging along nicely and things are all in place to have something go right in Walford or Dallas or Dynasty or CSI or whatever, that's when those writers know to chuck a spanner in the works. To have some creepy person appear round a corner, accompanied by some eerie music. What we Hickmotts refer to as 'nasty in the woodshed'. Used to be that when I was a kid certain things would make me run and hide behind the sofa, especially Doctor Who. Certain cliffhanger moments were just too hard to watch, I knew what was coming and did not like it one bit.

It would be a boring and predictable world if everything always turned out for the best, but just once, just one time, dontcha wish that they'd show happy stuff happening on Coronation Street or EastEnders? Okay, they do from time to time, but it is all too infrequent. Just this evening Lucas killed some random girl and Ben's case got sent to a higher court and Billie went off to the army.

The only soap I actually enjoy from time to time is Doctors, and that is purely because of the contribution of one of Britain's most underrated actors, Owen Brenman. I first came across Owen in a short-lived late night comedy series on channel 4 in the late 80s, hosted by one Paul Merton, still fairly unknown at the time, and starring such legends as Josie Lawrence, Jonathan Kydd, and Michael Fenton-Stevens (who along with Angus Deayton and Philip Pope was part of the spoof musical trio The HeeBeeGeeBees), as well as Owen himself. The show was taped in front of a live club crowd, and the sketches were interspersed with Merton's deadpan-delivery standup. A brilliant show. I can still recite some of the sketches and routines verbatim.

Anyway, I have rambled on a bit in this post, I guess. Night all.

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