Rubbish, piffle, tommyrot, drivel and utter bilge

Thursday, April 22, 2010

British Rednecks

As I was watching TV the other night I came across a story of a couple who were married in Ashford in 1985. From a Daily Mail article of 2005:

"The wedding of Jeanette and Alan Monk took place one sunny spring afternoon in 1978. As the bride walked down the aisle, a vision in white lace and veil, Alan gasped. After they had said their vows and were pronounced man and wife, the misty-eyed pair joyfully contemplated the rest of their lives together.

But then, as they were walking arm in arm out of the Church of St Francis in Ashford, Kent, Alan caught sight of a particular member of the congregation. It was an auburn-haired lady of a certain age in a navy and red dress - the bride's mother, Valerie.

Time stood still, his heart pounded - he had been struck by a coup de foudre. In that moment - subconsciously, admittedly - Alan knew he had married the wrong woman. He didn't desire Jeanette - he wanted his mother-in-law!

But Alan was to suffer seven long years of torment before he won the hand of his beloved. And there were stumbling blocks - to put it mildly - along the way. Having declared himself to Valerie and asked her if she would consent to be his wife, he discovered that King Henry VIII had banned such unions some 400 years earlier.

But no killjoy King was going to prevent true love from taking its course.

The pair pleaded their case before the House of Commons and the House of Lords before receiving Royal Assent to a Special Act of Parliament that finally allowed them to marry.

Alan married his mother-in-law on June 15, 1985, at Ashford register office."

This story is freakish enough on its own. I mean, even though I personally have no problem with people marrying their ex's mums, it's still a little odd to go from being a son-in-law to a husband, and for the ex-wife to have absolutely no problem with it is weird, especially when there are children involved. That's right - Alan and Jeanette had two kids before he could divorce her and marry Valerie. Weirder and weirder. What, one must ask, do the kids call him? Dad or Grandad?
But here's the thing - even barring all those apparent anomalies, there is still the fact that both Alan and Valerie are, well, not pretty.
Here's what they looked like in an article from the July 23, 1985 Weekly World News:
Scary, innit?
Here they are today.
Unlike a fine wine, not improving with age.

It's almost like a line from Jeff Foxworthy... "If your mother-in-law has a face that looks like a bag of chisels, and you still find her attractive... you might be a redneck."

I know I'm being rude, but sweet Lord!

1 comment:

  1. haha, you make me laugh. Love Jeff Foxworthy. Just when you think you've heard it all eh!


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