Rubbish, piffle, tommyrot, drivel and utter bilge

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

The Cream Has Turned To Curd

Are there no original ideas anymore?

I was just browsing the Interwebneticonomatic and idly looking at a list of movies that are slated for release next year.
First, you have your remakes.

Footloose Must miss!
Straw Dogs
Red Sonja
The Thing
The Incredible Mr. Limpet Really?
The Crow
Girls Just Want To Have Fun 
Drop Dead Fred
Total Recall
Death Wish
Escape from New York
Seven Samurai
The Blob
Short Circuit Nooooooooo!!
They Live

Then you have your TV spinoffs... first, the live-action...

Gilligan's Island
Arrested Development
Dark Shadows
Saved By The Bell
Pee-Wee's Playhouse There are literally no words.
Battlestar Galactica
Wonder Woman Sorry, but if Lynda Carter and her magic breasticles are not in it...
Magnum P.I. Sorry, but if Selleck and his magic 'tash and eyebrows are not in it....

Then come the cartoons...

The Smurfs
Grayskull He-Man, of course.
Dragonball Z
Cowboy Bebop
The Adventures Of Tintin: Secret of The Unicorn As a Brit, I'm really looking forward to this one.
Ghost In The Shell

Then you have your sequels:

Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
The Chronicles Of Narnia:The Silver Chair
Another Batman movie (as yet untitled)
Another Twilight movie
Wild Hogs 2
White Chicks 2
Spawn 2
Another Bridget Jones movie
Transformers 3
Another Alien sequel (sorry, prequel)
Raging Bull 2
The First Avenger: Captain America
Ghostbusters 3 Noooooooooo!
Harry Potter: The Final Deathly Doom or whatever
Another Bond flick
X-Men Origins:Wolverine 2
Rambo V:The Savage Hunt. Isn't Sly about 87 years old by now?
Underworld 4
The Brazilian Job  Sequel to The Italian Job.
Deadpool (another X-Men Origins flick)
Sherlock Holmes sequel
Superman:Man Of Steel
Sin City 2
Terminator 5
Mission:Impossible IV
Zombieland 2
Kung Fu Panda: The Kaboom Of Doom
Puss In Boots Shrek prequel.
Night Of The Living Dead:Origins
Bubba Nosferatu:Curse Of The She-Vampires Sequel to "Bubba Ho-Tep".
Cars 2
Death Race:Frankenstein Lives
Happy Feet 2 in 3D
Men In Black 3
Friday The 13th Part 2 A sequel remake or a sequel to  a remake? Who knows.
National Treasure 3
Halloween III
Scary Movie 5 Seems to me there aren't any new genres of horror to spoof, except remakes. Is this a remake?
Another Jason Bourne film
Super Troopers 2
Silent Hill 2
Ghost Rider 2
28 Months Later 
Get Smart 2
Evil Dead IV
The Ring 3

Then there's your  movies that don't come under the previous categories:

The Flash Another comic book hero brought to the big screen.
What Boys Want Remake of "What Women Want" wherein a teenage girl gets to hear boys' thoughts. Why? We all know what teenage boys want.

Now, I was going to comment on each and every one of these. But I don't have the time or the energy. I think my point is illustrated. Consider this, folks. I culled these titles from a list of  2,845 movies scheduled for release in 2011. Bear in mind that some of them are in pre-production, which means that they may not even get made. Bear in mind also that of the list of 2,845, I only got as far down as number 321. We have only just scratched the surface. Who knows what horrors may have lain in wait further down the list? Guess we'll have to wait till 2011 to find out....

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