Rubbish, piffle, tommyrot, drivel and utter bilge

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Driven To Tears

I hate driving.
Let me rephrase that.

I dislike driving more now that I live in the South than I did when I lived in Seattle, and I hated driving more then than I did when I lived in the UK. There are many reasons for this, of course, but number one with a bullet is the fact that someone rewrote the Highway Code for Georgia drivers. Seriously, I was never that nervous about being either a passenger or a driver in a vehicle (oh and by the way, the correct pronunciation is 'veer-kul', not 'vee-hickle') until coming to Georgia.

I will have to make this a list, I think, because serious venting requires organization.

I HATE....

1) Cruising along at 70mph doing the speed limit with some jackass breathing down your neck. It's like, "What, are you trying to read my odometer, buddy?!"

2) Getting pulled over for doing the speed limit. This actually happened to me, I kid you not. I was driving home from work one night, in my Outback uniform, doing 45 in a 45, and other cars were just zipping on by, doing 55 or 60, when I see in my rearview the flashing lights. I thought, surely that can't be for me, so i kept going. When the lights didn't move from behind me I realized it was me they were after. When I pulled over I was asked if I'd been drinking! Evidently, not speeding and staying in my lane when everyone else was zooming around like their arses were on fire was a clear sign that something was very wrong.

3) Getting in the left lane to pass someone and being passed on the right by some knob who thinks that 78mph just ain't fast enough. This is usually the same dork who doesn't believe turn signals have a purpose.

4) The idiot who honks me when the light turns green because I took more than a nanosecond to put my foot on the accelerator. I save my best obscene gestures for this guy.

5) Back to tailgaters again.... this time it's the guy who, when the car in front changes lanes, accelerates to fill the vacated space, like he's in NASCAR or something.

6) The people (and there are a lot of them) who, despite dozens of signs saying Reduce Speed Now and Speeding Fines Increase In Roadwork Areas, still maintain a constant 75mph in a 50mph zone, as if to say, "I don't have time for you people to mend roads - I'm important! Got places to go, things to do, people to see!"

And lastly.... 7) The twit who can't seem to go faster than 45mph whether driving a clapped-out Dodge Aries or a Ferrari Berlinetta Boxer. The pedal's on the right, buddy!

Places are too far apart in this country. Not enough sidewalks. You can't walk anywhere. Have to have 'walking trails' specifically designed to walk in because walking on the street will get you killed. People go for their morning walk by driving to the mall and walking around indoors and watching the Starbucks and the cookie place open and thinking "I'll get me some of that when I finish walking." Can anyone else see the ludicrousness of the situation or is it just me? No wonder we're all fat bastards.

Alright, rant over. Nighty night.

1 comment:

  1. I dated a cop (pity me) who pronounced vehicle "vee-hickle." It wore off on me and when dating him ceased and I dated a lawyer (Jewish and very unsouthern) he scolded me repeatedly for rednecking up the pronunciation of the word.

    This was a hilarious addition to your blog. I'm totally pimping you out.


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