Rubbish, piffle, tommyrot, drivel and utter bilge

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Sick Of Being Sick

Oh boy, am I sick of being sick. I've been sick for bloody months, years it seems. Seriously, I've had some sort of low-grade sub-sickness since at least October. Snot of varying quantities, from streaming schnozz to drip to dried bloodied clods of gunk. A cough that wavers from chesty to dry to nagging tickle. Various aches and pains and twinges and dull things that defy description. A throat that just occasionally decides to feel like I've swallowed a Dorito sideways or a whole kiwi fruit. Is this what life is going to feel like from here on in, because I am mightily hacked off with it. I swear, if I woke up in the morning and the coughs, sneezes, boogers and aches had all gone, I'd probably die from shock. Bleccch.

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Into The Unknown, Episode 4

Into The Unknown, Episode 4

Here it is folks, the new fresh edition of my music show Into the Unknown. Enjoy!

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Amen, Bob

Critics say I mangle my melodies, render my songs unrecognizable. Oh, really? Let me tell you something. I was at a boxing match a few years ago seeing Floyd Mayweather fight a Puerto Rican guy. And the Puerto Rican national anthem, somebody sang it and it was beautiful. It was heartfelt and it was moving.
After that it was time for our national anthem. And a very popular soul-singing sister was chosen to sing. She sang every note — that exists, and some that don’t exist. Talk about mangling a melody. You take a one-syllable word and make it last for 15 minutes? She was doing vocal gymnastics like she was on a trapeze act. But to me it was not funny.
Where were the critics? Mangling lyrics? Mangling a melody? Mangling a treasured song? No, I get the blame. But I don’t really think I do that. I just think critics say I do.

-- Bob Dylan

Last night I found myself watching the Grammys on TV. I was all set to switch off when the whole Kanye West / Beck thing started. And so Laura and I kept watching.

We saw the Rihanna / Kanye /Fab Macca Wacky Thumbs Aloft song. I asked out loud why it was that RiRi looked angry as she sang (lyrics that I was unable to decipher, by the way). Laura thought perhaps it was because she was onstage with Kanye, whom she described as a "c**k".

We also witnessed the, ahem, "performance" by pop enigma Sia. Standing with her back to the audience warbling in a corner as if she was the next impending victim of the Blair Witch while the blonde-bewigged kid and dancer from her videos did an interpretive jig just made me focus on how weird her voice sounds. Don't get me wrong, she has a good singing voice, but she needs to use it instead of doing vocal acrobatics while also doing a cod-Jamaican patois that made me think "this is probably how Jerry Lewis would sing this song." Seriously, all I heard was "Hoyvin flayvin!"

We then had a bunch of people who were being serious and worthy about things like violence against women and black history. Both great causes but all I could think was "this IS an awards ceremony, right? I've been watching for nearly an hour and I have seen ONE award presented. ONE."

So after Katy "incomprehensible" Perry and John Legend and Common did their worthy thangs, we have Beyonce foisted upon us, to sing a gospel hymn. Now I am not a fan of gospel OR Beyonce, but I appreciate music and musical ability of any genre. I also understand that the hymn has a strong significance to many people. But Beyonce went ahead and did what Bob Dylan described at the top of this post. Whatever meaning the song has, whatever message it was trying to convey, was lost, as I did not understand a single flaming word of it. If that is an example of Beyoncé's "artistry", Kanye, then she is as deluded as you.

Here endeth the lesson.

Monday, February 9, 2015

Into The Unknown, Episode 3

Saturday, February 7, 2015

Nearly Nakey

Celebrity Wardobe Malfunctions. Is there really any reason to believe that that these 'nip slips' 'wardrobe oops' or 'celebrity upskirt oops' or whatever you want to call them are anything other than deliberate? When a female sleb puts on a jacket with a plunging neckline with nothing underneath, does she think to herself 'Oh dear, I better cover up or the world will think I'm either stupid or a complete slut'? No. She thinks, 'I wear this, everyone talks about it for days afterwards'. We all know there is no such thing as bad publicity, so if it keeps you in the public eye , so much the better, right?

Plus, I'm a guy, and I don't have an issue with it. Sorry to say, ladies, but people who are attracted to women, no matter what they say, like seeing exposed female flesh or nipple pokies or fanny flashes or whatever. And while they may feign shock or outrage about it, secretly, deep down, they want to see more of it. Not only that, but they wish the photographer got a clearer shot.

All I ask is that the news media outlets (papers, websites, TMZ and the like) stop reporting it as if it is (a) something amazingly outrageous, and (b) accidental. Because (a) we've seen it so often we're completely unfazed by it now, and (b) it's totally on purpose, and we know it.

But what annoys me the most about it is that it's so one-sided. 

In other words, you never see male celeb wardrobe malfunctions, do you?

Well, you do, but all they seem to consist of are flies at half-mast or ripped pants. There's no "nob hanging out" pictures. You'll never see Robert Downey Jr. or Hugh Jackman pee their pants or trap their privates in their zipper.

I'd pay to see that.

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Into The Unknown, Episode 2

Into The Unknown, Episode 2

Y'all please click the link above and listen to my latest show! I'ppreciate y'all.

Seriously, kids. Thanks for listening.

Featured tracks from Nazneen, LetKolben, Petri, Shash'U, TUOGB, Wildwood Jack, Kelly Bourne, Nina Clark and more....
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...