Overheard: American Sports Explained

"Course, all the bloody sports they 'ave in bloody America, they're all crap, aren't they?"

"Well, I mean, yeah, I mean, bloody baseball, I mean, what's that then, it's so boring, innit? I mean people say it's like cricket, but 'sdifferent, I mean it couldn't be more different, could it?! Cricket's interesting. Baseball's a lot of blokes standing around and then running a bit, it's like bloody rounders, I mean that's a girl's game!"

"Yeah, an' that bloody American Football, I mean they stop and they start and stop and start again, it's confusin' an' borin' and they wear so much bloody paddin' they look like the bloody Michelin Man! Hahahahaaha!"

"I read somewhere wasn't it a few years ago like, the um, L.A. Raiders or someone invited one of the London Rugby Union teams, Harlequins or someone like that, to play 'em at American Football, like a challenge like. An' the 'Arlequins went over there an' played 'em at American Football and bloody beat 'em. An' then the bloody Raiders wouldn't come over 'ere an' play 'Arlequins at Rugby Union cos they weren't gonna be allowed to wear their paddin'!! Hahahahahahaaa!"

"An' then that bloody basketball, I mean you get some lanky bloke chuck the ball down the pitch and some other bloke seven foot nine or summink standing there by the basket just catches it an' drops it in, then the others catch it, and chuck it down the other end, and same thing 'appens. Bloody silly game if you ask me."

"An' then they got ice 'ockey, course they call it 'ockey over there and somebody playing a game of 'ockey outside, that's called field 'ockey. You can't see where the bloody puck is cos it moves so bloody fast, an' then they all fight! Hahahaahaaa!"

"Course with American Football, apart from the professional leagues, the NFL like, you can't play football after you leave school, college they call it, so if you don't get signed to a pro team after college, you can't play American Football."

"Whatcha mean, ya can't play it, ya bloody silly...."

"I mean like baseball, 'ockey an' that, they got them minor leagues, ain't they? If you play college baseball, you can go to a minor league team, same with 'ockey, there's loads of minor league teams an' that. But American Football, there's no minor leagues, is there?"

"Bloody silly. Give me footie any day. Stupid America."

"Yeah."

"Wankers."