I'm A Mince Pie

When I was younger my mum had (probably still has, actually) some big colourful weighty tomes about health and the like. Lots of explanations about the human body's inner workings with loads of pictures to help the big words along. I remember one section of one of these books that talked about body shapes, and the big words for the shapes such as ecto-mesomorph and endomorph.  According to one website, Ectomorphs  are those people that are relatively thin, lean, fragile looking, and flat chested if they are female. Skinny about covers it.
Endomorphs are the big folks that only have to look at a slice of cake in order to gain a pound or two.
And Mesomorphs are those bastards that have no trouble building muscle and losing weight whenever they feel like it. Of course, these descriptions are rather oversimplified, but you get the idea. But apparently even this is way too complicated for the average man in the street (or in the kitchen, come to that) to understand. We're all pretty thick, really, aren't we? At least according to The Daily Mirror (chhhptooey!) we are, or that's the conclusion I am drawn to by reading an article in their rag today. The article is charmingly titled Blokes are shaped like parsnips, puddings, Yule logs or candles  and apparently we chaps have four main body types. I quote:

While girls are curved like pears or apples, blokes are now classed with the less ­complimentary categories of yule log, Christmas pudding, candle or parsnip.

And the best of the lot is the parsnip – with broad shoulders and tapered waists. But only 10% of men are shaped like David Beckham and TOWIE’s Mark Wright.

The research by high street clothes chain High and Mighty found almost half of blokes are a Yule log shape, including X Factor presenter Dermot O’Leary and talk show host Jonathan Ross, with shoulders and waists that are similar widths.

Almost a quarter fit into the Christmas pudding category, with comedian James Corden and Radio 1 DJ Chris Moyles. And a fifth are candles like Doctor Who star Matt Smith and footballer Peter Crouch. 

High and Mighty’s Gill Politis said: “When it comes to body shapes, it is men who struggle the most to find clothes that fit them in all the right places. They need to take their time more when shopping and make sure they try things on.”

Parsnips look good in jeans and well-made shirts but Yule logs’ clothes can be too tight or too loose, while candles can end up with baggy-looking tops and trousers too short.

 Well, all I can say is, I'm a bit like the Yule Log AND the Xmas pudding - so basically I am a festive dessert.

Sounds about right.