Rubbish, piffle, tommyrot, drivel and utter bilge

Monday, December 30, 2013

Why I'm Going Dry

Over on the top left you'll see a link to My DryAthlon Page. This isn't anything to do with new faster processors for computers, nor an ad for a new cleaning business in which I am the silent partner. I am taking part in a month-long fundraising effort by Cancer Research UK. All I have to do is go without the booze for the entire month of January. What you guys can do for me, if you'd be so goodly kind, is to sponsor my efforts. How can you do this? Well, I'll tell you.

  1. You can donate by clicking on the button top left that says "Sponsor Me". it'll redirect you to my page where you can donate using a credit or debit card. If the button doesn't work, just go to and you'll be there.
  2. Alternatively you can use your mobile phone (if you are on a UK network) and text the code JEFY48  and your amount (£1, £2, £3, £5 or £10) to 70070. Standard network rates apply.
  3. You can come up to me in the street or at my place of work and fill in my sponsor sheet which as of Jan 1st I will have on me at all times. You can even give me the money at the same time if you like so I don't have to hunt you down on Feb. 1.
Why am I doing this? 
  1. Because it's a worthwhile cause. The sooner we as a species can eradicate cancer the better.
  2. Because I need to lose weight, and swearing off booze has been shown to have that effect. I need to lose weight for my own sake, and for the people I love. I want to be around for a long time.
So there you have it. That's what I'm up to, why I'm doing it, and why you should care. Now don't just sit there - press that button! Or, why not join me in my efforts, either as an act of moral support or as a way of raising money yourself. Thanks guys! I know you can help!

Hilarious Ad of The Moment

I know I rave about terrible commercials that air on our terrestrial networks here in the UK, but every so often a little gem pops up. The one I am about to show you is from supermarket chain ALDI, whose ads usually have a person comparing a name brand product with a comparable quality version of their own, with a witty remark at the end. The current one for champagne starts out like a Calvin Klein ad, all moody sepia tones and opera, but then after 20 seconds you are laughing your conkers off. Enjoy.

Sunday, December 22, 2013

2013's Best Ad

I wrote the other day about rubbish commercials. Here is my absolute favourite ad from the past year. This is the original, 2-minute version. Enjoy.

Monday, December 9, 2013

Crap Christmas Ads Roundup 2013

And once again here we are at Christmas, when the ad agencies pull out all the stops to make crap ads for your delectation and despair. So let's have a look at this year's dung-pile, shall we?

Irritation. Aggravation. Consternation. EXTERMINATION!!!

"Cause you're the fattest - I mean fittest girl in year 10".

ShuUUUaaaaaUUUuuuuUUUUeeeeUUUUTttt UP!!!!!!

OK, Tesco. Let's talk. First, you can't age someone 50 years just by putting a white streak in their hair, it doesn't fool anyone, period. Secondly, by using Rod Stewart you have just alienated anyone under 40. Thirdly, and I think this is perhaps the most important point, what the heck is this ad supposed to be selling? Nostalgia?

WTF??? Does that make ANY sense to you?

And lastly, this one. A lot of people love this and think it's cute. I hate it with a passion.

 More crap next year...

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Puzzler: Stinky Britches

If you recall, many moons ago on The Puzzler I asked the question: "What was the name of the song that was written by Chef on South Park that was performed by Alanis Morissette that Cartman could not get out of his head?"

Well folks, the answer, if you are at all interested, was Stinky Britches. In the Chef AId episode, Alanis records the song and Mr. Garrison sees the video for the song on TV, which looks very similar to the video for Ironic. Chef is furious as he didn't receive the writing credit, and decides to sue, subsequently losing everything and hence the need for a benefit concert. However, in a later episode, Marilyn Manson is shown covering the song....

So now the next question... Marilyn Manson made several appearances on, and provided his own voice for which animated MTV show?

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Kids Today: They Don't Get Jokes

Yes folks, Jeff the old fogey is going to have another rant about Kids Today!

Remember those days back in the late 90s/early 2000s when Amanda Bynes was just a cute funny little girl on All That and The Amanda Show and not a complete bark-at-the-moon bona fide train wreck? Yes? OK. Well, she used to have a recurring sketch on her show where she and co-star Josh Server (what happened to him?) were dressed as hillbillies on the front porch of a mountain holler cabin, wearing overalls with no undershirt, teeth missing, freckles, ear of grass in the mouth, like a total yee-haw cartoony representation of backwoods rednecks, and she'd tell a knock-knock joke that made no sense and ended up with her hitting Josh in the head with whatever it was she said in the joke, i.e.:

AB: Knock knock!
JS: Who's there?
AB: Fire extinguisher!
JS: Fire extinguisher who?
AB: Imma hit you in the head with a fire extinguisher! (WHOMP!)

 Yeah, not terribly funny, but it got a laugh from the child-filled audience. But it was this kind of thing that I believe led to the state of things we have today, where anyone under the age of 25 does not get the kind of jokes that people of my age used to find funny (and, in my case at least, still find funny today). What I am talking about is the kind of kid jokes that, on the face of it, made no real sense, in that the events described within the joke are patently ridiculous and impossible, which is what makes them amusing in the first place. I'm talking about Doctor Doctor jokes, Waiter jokes, and especially Elephant jokes. Not with me? Let me explain with a quick example or two.

Man: Doctor! Doctor! I think I'm invisible!
Doctor: Who said that?!

How can you tell if an elephant's been in your fridge?
Footprints in the butter.

Man: Waiter! What's this fly doing in my soup?!
Waiter: Looks like the backstroke, sir.

What's the difference between an elephant and an aspirin?
I don't know.
Well, in that case I won't ask you next time I have a headache!

These jokes are funny because of the ridiculousness of the situation. These events could clearly never take place in real life. No-one would ever mistake an aspirin tablet for a full sized pachyderm, which is why it makes us laugh. But the Amanda Bynes joke actually makes more sense to today's kids. Why is this?

I don't have the answer. But I cite as evidence the following...

Pretty much every time one of our young'uns has friends over, I make jokes on the level that I enjoyed (still enjoy) as a 12- or 13-year-old, which not only include elephant jokes and the like, with their wacky and surreal situations (i.e. comedy gold) but also some fabulous puns. I can remember a particular instance when one of these young lads said to me after the aspirin joke above, "But that's ridiculous. Surely you'd know the difference between an elephant and an aspirin, I mean they're totally different!" to which I replied, "Yes - that's why it's funny!"

It's not only teens that do this. Even my co-workers (all in their early 20s) have trouble understanding my jokes, and believe me, it's not in the telling, it's not because they're obscure, it's not that they are too young to get the references (although they occasionally are), it's simply because they don't understand the format of a joke, or they find the situations too ridiculous to even entertain the possibility that perhaps an elephant might park his trike outside or that a bowl of custard might be shark-infested.

It is refreshing, therefore to see a show on TV such as Gigglebiz on the CBeebies channel, a sketch comedy show for preteens, hosted by Justin Fletcher in various guises in the sketches, and telling jokes with young kids inbetween.  There is hope for zany humour after all. Good to know that not all young people are so gosh-darn analytical.

Justin, as you can see, dons many guises, but by far my favourite is the Geordie fitness expert, Keith Fit. Here's Keith in action.

Hooray for silliness! Long may it live.

Monday, December 2, 2013

Guest Blogger Month

Greetings, sports fans and other types. Just a little note to let you all know about my Guest Blogger project.

It'll be taking place throughout the month of January and already several of my friends have signed up for it, so be warned. If you follow my blog and /or you're a blogger yourself and you'd be interested in writing a piece or two for Guest Blogger Month on The World Of Jeff!, then drop me a line or add a comment at the bottom of this post.

Now, where's my coffee?
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