Rubbish, piffle, tommyrot, drivel and utter bilge

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Last Night I Had The Strangest Dream

So I'm in this grocery store, right, and I'm looking inside a display case at two limited edition DVD's, one of the band Madness in concert, the other an interview with Heaven 17. They clearly came attached to a magazine that is now defunct. The store is weird because the floor slopes upward left to right.

I walk over to a pile of boxes that are clearly meant for the trash, and in the top box, which is open, I see the magazines that the DVDs came with, mint condition, in a protective plastic sleeve. I resolve then and there to grab them, and the DVDs too, so that they are back together and worth more. Clearly these are collector's items.

I start to walk up to the back of the store where there is a cafe. I know my family are there and will assist me in my endeavours.

As I walk along one aisle I am aware that an old man in a mobility scooter is pursuing me closely, so I pick up the pace. I am almost at a run now, and as I turn right out of the end of the aisle I am rugby-tackled to the floor by none other than my son Charlie, as he looked aged about 12. (He is now currently 22). He slaps me heartily on the back and laughs. The old man in the scooter is gone.

Charlie and I head up to the cafe where my daughters Emily and Susannah are sitting with my mother and Laura. I explain to them what I have seen and want to do, whereupon Charlie says OK, but that he first has to go to the toilet. As he walks into the restrooms, he turns and says "Hasta la pasta!!" whereupon Susannah snorts with laughter, shooting chocolate milk out of her nose.

Then I wake up.

Any ideas?

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Here Come The Unbelievables

Hey folks, exciting news!

You remember a while back that my blogger friends Clark Brooks and Michael Noble and I had been throwing around silly ideas based on the pictures posted by our good friend The Kitsch Bitsch on her Facebook page, in a little post entitled Collars 'R' UsIf you can't remember that, then I shall wait patiently here while you go read.

A little while afterwards we decided that we should definitely embark upon a collaborative project of a similar ilk, but we weren't sure what form the project would take - a book, perhaps, or a webseries, but now the project has arrived, in blog (and accompanying Facebook fan page) form.

So please, if you will, head over to The Unbelievables, and its accompanying FB page, where you can comment, question, laugh and generally hang out with all the far-out poncho-wearing, moustache-preening, polyester-slacks-owning guys and follow our adventures. I thank you!

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Have You Read The News?

Whoever decides on the brief headlines on the SkyNews ticker that runs across the bottom of the screen needs to think to themselves: Who is going to be reading this, and will they understand it?

Today I went with my sister to King's College Hospital in London. She had a car crash four years ago and after several operations and many visits to the hospital, had her final visit to her consultant today. The visits always involve a lot of waiting around for blood tests and X-rays etc.

In the waiting area for X-rays is a wall-mounted TV that shows hospital-related messages with a SkyNews headline ticker running below. Some of the headlines were only comprehensible if you knew part of the story, for example:

Fresno Chicken Plant Shootings: Three Dead. I thought it should say three dead, coated in eleven herbs and spices and cooked to the Colonel's secret recipe. But that's because I have a sick sense of humour.

Busy campaign for Rocker - this is great if you know which Rocker they are talking about. Will Blues gamble? Darned if I know. Who are the Blues exactly? Or what?
There was also "Jack has staying targets" which not only assumes that we know who Jack is, but doesn't actually make any kind of literal sense. What is a staying target? Is Jack perhaps running a hotel for archery equipment? Or perhaps some of his hotel guests are wanted fugitives?

Then my favourite one: "Americans vote on gay marriage and marijuana". Now I know you all know what that's about, but when I first read it I thought it sounded like it was all one thing - gay marriage and marijuana, as if you had to be stoned to marry your same-sex partner. And not 'stoned' in the Biblical sense either.

But then there was one that didn't make sense any way you sliced it.

Missed opportunity indeed.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Puzzler: Peter Tosh

So last time on the Puzzler, all those moons ago, I asked which reggae artist covered Chuck Berry's most well-known song?

The answer is of course former Wailer Peter Tosh, covering Johnny B. Goode.

So, next question...

Peter Tosh's third LP contains a duet with him and which rock legend?

100 Records That Shook The World, #26

The Clash

The Clash (LP)

There is so much going on in this LP, such a diversity of musical influences (which was unusual for a punk band at the time). Released in April 1977, the album was chock full of Strummer and Jones' pointed observations about British life, particularly evident in songs such as the debut single 'White Riot' (by the way, the album version is the original demo), 'Protex Blue', 'Janie Jones' and 'I'm So Bored With The USA'. The influence of reggae is here on 'Police & Thieves', a last minute addition (one of their live favourites) when they realised the album was too short, and early rock'n'roll on many others.
'Garageland' was written in response to rock critic Charles Shaar Murray's damning review of The Clash's early appearance at the Sex Pistols Screen on the Green concert - "The Clash are the kind of garage band who should be returned to the garage immediately, preferably with the engine running". It was the final track recorded for the album.

The Clash is the ultimate punk protest album. Searingly evocative of dreary late '70s Britain, but still timelessly inspiring. Jamaican reggae producer Lee "Scratch" Perry heard the LP in 1977 and played it to Bob Marley. Marley in turn mentioned The Clash on his track "Punky Reggae Party".


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